my mama died when I had only just turned 20. I only ever saw her as my mama and never as a real person with needs, worries and desires, independent of me. until her diagnosis she rarely fell ill and she rarely showed us anything less than love and kindness, even when we treated her badly or took her for granted. there was so much she wanted out of life and so much of her that she couldn't share with my sister and I, and it breaks my heart that she will get to fulfil her potential as a human, not just a mother. I used to occupy myself with feelings of guilt and regret, wishing I had behaved differently when she was alive. these feelings are still there but i'm slowly learning to let go of them and see my life as a journey I will continue for her, for long as I am able. #YNN#motherlesschild #beinghuman 📸 @annecarly.mm
This, just this ..
it's been regrammed more times than I can count but it's where my head space has been so much lately. I feel like I'm carrying my grief in every handbag, every pocket, every rucksack, every travel bag. I feel like there is no escaping it. No matter where I go or what I do, it's with me pervading into every empty space it can find. Thank you @bymariandrew for encapsulating so perfectly what it is like to live every day with grief #YNN #livingwithgrief #everydaygrief #grieftruth #youngadultgrief
Abandonment
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mama died a mere three months after her cancer diagnosis. it was the stubborn, aggressive kind, failing to respond to chemotherapy or any other treatment. she fought with every fibre of her being but was constantly on the back foot. with her energy draining and her organs rapidly shutting down, she held her hands up and surrendered to her fate. it was then that I lost the mama I had known, death was just a formality
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the last two months of her life still sit heavy on my mind. there was no loving goodbye or sentimental conversations. Hollywood is a lie; this is reality. preparing for death, she withdrew from the world and everyone around her. she looked like my mama, she sounded like my mama but the mama I had known was long gone
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I know in my heart that she did not choose to leave me and part of it was a form of self preservation but I still carry with me the burden of abandonment. #YNN #motherlesschild #grieftruth #abandonmentcomplex
Over the moon to announce that #YNN will be working with The Queen's Commonwealth Trust, an incredible organisation founded by the Queen (current VP is the Duchess of Sussex) to champion, fund and connect young leaders who are working hard to change the world. I was stunned to silence when they reached out a few weeks ago and so honoured to be recognised and supported by them for the work I have been doing to raise awareness about #youngadultgrief
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Over the course of the year, I'll be working on some content for their website and their social media pages, documenting the realities of living with grief as a young adult and how I'm channeling my the loss of my beautiful mama into making positive change by striving to implementing grief workshops within schools and universities throughout the UK
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I know that I have a long and arduous journey ahead of me but after this connection with the @queens_commonwealth_trust I feel inspired and empowered to continue my journey and have faith that one day, I will get there 🙏🏽 #queenscommonwealthtrust #motherlesschild #griefsupport #strivingtomakeadifference #ukstudents #ukuniversities #ukuni
