Grief Has No Blueprint

Grief Has No Blueprint
Grief is exceedingly difficult to objectively define as an easily digestible descriptions or a bite-sized nugget of wisdom. I have often been asked to describe what it feels like, and every time have struggled to find the words to do it justice. Grief is different from person to person and from day to day. Grief has no blueprint.

Five Stages of Grief

Current literature on the grieving process labours tirelessly about the Kübler-Ross model, otherwise known as the five stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. There is substantial guidance on this model, many of which state that these five stages are by no means exclusive and should not be interpreted as being a step-by-step guide to grief. Instead, every experience of these five stages is different, as they can happen in any order, to varying degrees and be repeated an infinite number of times in a lifetime.

That may be the case, I still can’t help but find fault with this model, as a guide to grief. In fact, I would even go far as saying that is entirely redundant. Confining grief to five distinct emotions is unrealistic and impersonal. It fails to take into consideration the fact that every loss is entirely unique and therefore, the grief that follows is far more complex than five singular emotions. Although I would be lying if I said that I haven’t felt most of these emotions at various points over the last ten years, in no way would I want them to define my grief.

Grief Has No Blueprint

Your grief is wholly unique

When it comes to grief, there is no blueprint. The only person who will experience your own unique set of emotions and experiences on your journey through grief is you.

What really guided me through dark times and cushioned pangs of loneliness wasn’t an objective model on grief. It was reading about other people’s detailed accounts of the struggles they faced through their own journeys. As a young adult facing a monumental change so rare amongst her peers, I found it comforting to know that there were people out there who I could relate to, and who in turn could relate to me.

Therefore, instead of providing a general overview of grief (which is readily available already), I want to use YNN to provide as much as I can of my personal journey through grief, in the hope that you too will feel that little bit less alone. There may not be a blueprint for grief but that doesn’t mean that we can’t guide each other through by sharing our own unique experiences.

Meera Elbay

Founder, YNN

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